(BALTIMORE – February 23, 2025)—Black History is every day. For me, it’s about my ancestors and all of the brilliance that has come from our collective. At this stage in my career, I think about my own legacy. I have always wanted it to be about helping and supporting Black people.
So, I will begin sharing lessons intended for Black nonprofit leaders. What I share may not be relevant to some, and that’s okay.
I can’t begin to share any of the lessons until I share the most painful one of my career. It was an effort that I thought related to a similar set of values with someone based on mutual belief and support of a Black agenda. (Sometimes, my “gift” sensed some disingenuous behavior, but certainly nothing immoral or illegal.)
However, it turned out to be all of that, and my team, the Board, and the supporters were caught up in it. It was my blindness and stupidity. As always, the buck stops with you, the leader. I offered my resignation to my board, which they did not accept, and they stood by me and the organization. However, it cost them and my team greatly!
Some of them probably still have the scars, as I once did – too late. Again, I apologize to them, including the community that supported us.
The organization survived and continues to live now with new and capable leadership.
But for years, I have lived with and been in therapy for PTSD and its sister, SHAME.
I am not guilty of anything except stupidity and the bombardment of media that was determined to paint all Black people in some negative light. I didn’t commit a crime. I didn’t misappropriate any money. I didn’t knowingly participate in any crime. But I did believe in someone Black who wasn’t who I thought.
It’s been years, and I’m still living with “shame.” Why? I, the organization, was painted as “corrupt.” Even an audit found nothing corrupt.
I grew up with the “caution” that you can not make mistakes. I grew up with parents expecting greatness from my future. But they both warned me. Always know that the world will judge you differently than someone white.
The “world” will be watching you & any organization I was with. It was similar to the lesson we gave Black young men about driving Black.
So, I built my life (personal and professional) around the values of honesty, integrity, and transparency. Any “appearance,” even if not true, I always knew it would cost me as a Black woman.
Shame serves no purpose except to demoralize you & weaken you. America does enough of that on its very own simply because you are Black.
I know there are lesser things that cause “shame” for Black nonprofit leaders. I hope you will surround yourself with trusted supporters who can help you distinguish reality from the power of “appearance” or whispers and discern intentions.
However, if there is a SHAME, you must let it go.
Mis-judgements happen.
You are a mighty warrior doing what you do to make a difference, and you are doing it with integrity.
I NO longer carry the “S” on my chest.
