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By Ericka Alston Buck
(BALTIMORE – July 25, 2023) – If you’ve lived in Baltimore for many years, there is no way you have missed the man who panhandles with two prosthetic hooks for hands and two prosthetic legs.
He used to be at the intersection of President & Pratt.
He would sometimes be near Upton Market at Pennsylvania & Laurens.
Noticeably addicted to drugs.
Homeless.
Helpless.
His name is Terry.
I have not seen Terry for years.
I have thought of him often and feared that the horrors of drug addiction may have taken his life.
I know his name because he is the person that introduced me to recovery.
In a psychiatric ward in 1996 after my suicide attempt to take my own life because I could not stop using using drugs.
I could not stop with prayer.
I could not stop with willpower.
I could not stop for my own children.
I wanted to die.
I woke up in a hospital.
Terry was there.
No arms.
No legs.
Addicted to drugs because someone injected him with heroin at his request when he was an abandoned teenager.
I was 26 years old.
I was lost and afraid.
Terry shared with me stories of hope.
He told me that I was young and that I could stop and live beyond my wildest dreams.
If I wanted to.
He told me how to leave the hospital and go to a treatment program.
He told me about 12-step meetings.
He told me how to pray when I felt like using drugs and how the feeling would pass.
He told me if they tried to make me leave the treatment center, to say that I was hearing voices and I was afraid that if I left the center I would return to drug addiction, it worked!
He knew how to tell me to stay clean.
But he couldn’t stay clean himself.
I saw him a few years after I got clean.
I was so excited to see him and thank him for my new life.
He didn’t remember me.
I gave him a few bucks.
He was panhandling.
I’ve seen him maybe 5 times in the last 27 years.
He never remembers me.
When I left my office today.
In my convertible Mercedes.
Headed to my home in this gated community.
Terry was at the intersection of North & Broadway.
2 hooks for hands.
2 prosthetic legs.
In the middle of traffic.
With a full gray beard.
10 shades darker.
Sweating.
30 pounds lighter.
Panhandling.
I caught the red light and hesitated attempting to get his attention.
He never remembers me.
I blew the horn and motioned for him to come to my car.
He looked at me and smiled.
I said, TERRY, I haven’t seen you in a long time.
I was worried about you.
He said, I’m still in the belly of the beast baby girl but every time I see you on TV, I say “That’s my girl!”
He told me how proud he was of me.
I felt the adoration of a child.
He said, “I told you you could do it.”
I thanked Terry.
I gave Terry $20.
I drove off grateful for the greatest gift that anyone has ever given me.
A gift that he can’t experience for himself, but he gave to me. Selflessly.
Recovery.
Some of us die for others to live.
But for the grace of God…there go I.
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