(May 4, 2019) – I will not sit upon my throne and pretend that I have never had negative, man bashing, man hating thoughts because I most certainly have. However I have also come to realize that my thoughts and feelings manifest themselves in my life. So over the years I really have made a huge concerted effort to self correct negative thoughts like “there are no good men out there”.
There are 2.9 million men in the state of Maryland alone, do you mean to tell me they are all bad? The reality is there are both good and bad people in the world, male and female. When I am asked the question, Why are you single? My answer is pretty simple; my soul hasn’t found the person it wants. Over the past few years I have seen glimpses of individual traits or characteristics in men that I know I want. But I just haven’t met the man that has enough of those things to make my soul say he is the one.
Was my last longterm relationship a soul crushing nightmare? You betcha! Have I dated some assholes? Sure. Met people I thought may have been a bit crazy? Most definitely. However if we are being realistic my hand full of bad experiences divided by 2.9 million men in the state of Maryland mathematically proves without a doubt I haven’t experienced enough men to make the statement that there are no good men out there. Neither does yours!
Frankly I think focusing on the men that are out there as the reason why you may or not be single is a big cop out that keeps you from exploring, experiencing and appreciating the men that are all around you. It also takes away from the fact that ultimately you are the one who has the power to choose who you want to be with. The list of excuses extends far beyond there are no good men, to men don’t like an independent woman, men are intimidated by me, men are all cheaters, blah, blah, blah, blah. Basically all of that is bullshit.
When you’re laying in bed lonely, it’s easier to believe one of these excuses than it is to take responsibility for what you may or may not be doing to end up with one of “those men” you feel are everywhere. I know from personal experience half of my bad experiences with men came from ignoring red flags or settling for what was in front of me because I didn’t want to be alone.
When you get over your fear of being alone, or the need to fulfill immediate wants or desires and you get a bit more picky about who you allow around you. Your vision clears, lo and behold you have the ability to see what type of man is in front of you!
The other pitfall I have seen women fall into is the laundry list of attributes and things a man has or needs to be, before she will give him the time of day. Of course I am not saying completely ditch your list, run out and date every and anyone. But I most certainly have seen some LONG lists and not all of them realistic. The longer your checklist the more people you are marking off your list before you even get started.
I tend to look for values and experiences first, and I avoid using physical attributes as a deciding factor. I would rather have conversations about religion, politics, world views, dreams and desires than to be incredibly attracted to what someone outwardly looks like or what they possess. I enjoy the process, no matter the outcome.
I really do believe that inwardly as women we need to take stock of three things in all of our relationships, not just intimate relationships.
My next few blog posts will explore each of these a bit more in depth. But for this blog post when you think about your view point on men, you need to realize that by knowing the answer to these three things and making inward adjustments to yourself you can change the types of men you always seem to run into. The bottom line is if you want to meet a good man, you need to work at being a good woman.
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